Saturday, June 18, 2005

What the #$%^%?

So, my son, Adisen is nine years old. He’s been sick with a virus that makes his lungs and gut hurt when he breathes deeply. After forcing him to suffer at home for the requisite three days, I took him to see our doctor. (Note that I only made him wait one day before taking him to the hospital when he broke his arm, so this three-day waiting period is somewhat flexible).

Anyway, Dr. Grant is a great doctor. Not big on drugs. Tends to offer the harder cures to health-care woes (Bloated? Eat less wheat. Tired all the time? Join a gym. Wake up with the shakes? Stop smoking crack. Having panic attacks at the office? Quit your job).

Anyway, after making Adisen hop on one foot, jump up and down, bend over, breathe deeply and cough (not all at the same time, mind you) Dr. Grant said:

“If your lungs still hurt in a week, come back and I’ll use the pointy part of this (at which point he pulled the reflex hammer from his drawer) to drill a hole in your side, right below your rib cage. Then you’ll be able to breathe through the hole so breathing won’t hurt your lungs anymore.”

With all the sincerity of the most gullible child placed on god’s green earth, Adisen asked, “but won’t that hurt?”

Dr. Grant assured him it would only hurt if he missed the soft part and drilled right into Adisen’s rib cage, which he promised him he’d try not to do.

After we left the doctor’s office, I asked Adisen if he thought Dr. Grant was serious about drilling a hole in him with a plastic hammer.

He said, and I quote, "Yes, because doctors always speak the truth."

What the #$%^%?

These were not my son's words coming from his mouth. No nine-year old of mine uses expressions like "speak the truth." And no child of mine would ever speak these words of anyone in a power position…doctor, politician, priest, or parents, for that matter.

It reminds me of the day he came home and started reciting prayers...

“What the #$%&^?” I asked.

“We say prayers everyday at lunch.”

I tell you, the things kids bring home from school – head lice, old sandwiches, and the craziest ideas!

2 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

People like you should not be allowed to raise children.

June 18, 2005  
Blogger Greg Mills said...

The Spanish teacher at my daughter's pre-school is working overtime to convert her captive audience of four year old moppets.
Ruby brings up "Jeejus" about once a week. I don't mind all THAT much, I just wish her teacher had been more upfront about her Jeejus thang. Ruby is also really into Buddha, so it's all good.

June 20, 2005  

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